Pursuit of Happiness

Small One was in a grouchy mood tonight, despite a fun day. Truth be told, it was probably because she had such a fun day, she was a bit tired and out of sorts by dinner time.


She had a delicious meal in front of her, lovingly prepared, featuring vegetables and brown rice, mixed berries in yogurt, and turkey meatballs, made by her own mama, with fresh herbs from our own garden. She ate all the fruit and demanded more, and when I suggested she eat the meatballs first, she sulkily picked at the aforementioned fresh herbs. "What's this green stuff?" she asked, scowling.


I was losing patience. I said, "As I already told you, it's the wonderful herbs we grew together in our garden. But should I just let you dip the meatballs in ketchup? Would that make you happy?"

Not too pleased about it, I squirted some ketchup on her plate. She looked up at me, with a huge, radiant, and genuine smile.

"Oh!" she said, "Ketchup! Now I'm happy! The ketchup made me happy!"

Ahhh... if only happiness were always so easily attained.

Thursday 13, Happiness Edition

Thirteen things that have made me smile this summer (in no particular order):

1. My brother's marriage to a lovely girl I've long considered family
2. Small One's performance at their wedding
3. Growing my own garden, and eating what I've grown


4. The return of Middle Child


5. Oldest's graduation from high school



6. New friends


7. Cherries on the back porch of a mountain house


8. Old friends



9. Boat rides


10. Disney World
11. The Man

12. Newlyweds


13. A coop raising party

And I have to say, in coming up with this list, I'm struck by the abundance of my life, because it could've been the Thursday 30, easily.

Wordless Wednesday, High Fashion Bag Edition

In Everything Give Thanks

I think of myself as a thankful person. I try to look on the positive side, and notice that, in the grand scheme of things, I'm a very blessed person. I strive to be a Christ follower, and to remember that, as such, I've been instructed to give thanks in every situation.

But some weeks... well, sometimes it's hard to do. Weeks, like this one, when our financial outlook seems bleak, the ongoing job hunt seems everlastingly unproductive, and the to-do list seems longer than my actual lifespan. On top of it all, this week my Small One is not feeling well. I won't burden you with the gory details, but it hasn't been fun for either of us.

On reflection, though, there's a lot of good here. We have very kind and understanding landlords. We are blessed with health and love and caring friends and family. The most surprising thing I've noticed today, though, is that sometimes even the bad stuff has something good to offer.

Small One is not so small as she was. I delight in her accomplishments, but I also think wistfully of her babyhood, especially when I have the opportunity, as I did last night, to hold a very new baby. In this case, he was 12 hours old:

My little tornado is not so quiet. She is, in fact, sometimes utterly ear-piercing. And independent! Wow, is she independent! She is what one might refer to as a "pistol", if one were being kind. She is constantly telling me what she needs to do next or, more to the point, what I "NOT needa" do... ie, put her in time out, get her to pick up her toys, put her in bed, etc. She's always been an intense little creature, always with a plan, a study in motion.

But not today. Today, she's a baby again, a snuggly lap girl, a "you needa hold me" girl, someone who wants nothing more than to put her head on my chest and let me pet her. I hate that she feels ill (though today I think she's just worn out from yesterday), but the hidden blessing is that I get to love up on her, and she gets to remember that Mommy is a safe and warm place. And I get to notice that as big as she seems sometimes, she's still very small and soft and snuggly.

Life, even with the bad, is good.

Note to Self

Dear Future Me,

From here on out, please refrain from announcing to the world that your week will be peaceful. I know you THINK you're being a positive person, but in reality you are merely ASKING to wake up to a sick child, a broken appliance, a monetary crisis, and some sort of animal waste combo. So, while I appreciate the sentiment, I'd prefer to just take it as it comes, and only make announcements that are truly verifiable, such as "oh, my child is napping at this moment".

Sincerely,

Me

ps- At this moment, my Small One is napping, the figurative fires are temporarily out, and there are no actual fires or other catastrophic events occuring in my home. Thus, I think it would be prudent of me to take a nap and try to reboot this day.

Making Sense with a Small One

Middle Child is gone this week. She left this morning, at 6am, headed for Kentucky, to spend the week working with Appalachian Service Project. I am immensely proud of her for this, despite the fact that it meant I had to spend a bunch of money I didn't have on things like work jeans and safety goggles, and I also had to get up at 5am today. "5 in the morning" is a misrepresentation, in my opinion- it should be called "5 in the middle of the night". That being said, I've spent my life studiously avoiding any awareness of that time of day, only occasionally bumping into it from the midnight side. It is proof of my devotion and pride that I roused my carcass at that time today to drive her somewhere, rather than simply kicking my husband until he got up and did it.

In any event, because she's going to be gone for an entire week, I thought I should address the subject with Small One. Small One is crazy about her big sister, and asks me incessantly where she is if she even leaves for a few hours, so I thought maybe I could do some preemptive question answering and save myself some "but where IS she?" time this week. Here's how it went:

Me: Hey, did you know that your sister went on a trip this morning?

Small: She went away? Where did she went away?

Me: Well, she went on a trip with a bunch of other people...

Small: (interrupting) A bunch of people? What's their names?

Me: They have a bunch of different names, but they're from our church.

Small: Where they going?

Me: They're going to Kentucky, to do some work.

Small: They going to work on a ducky?

Me: No, they went to a place called Kentucky.

Small: Kenducky?

Me: Sure. And they're working on houses for people.

Small: They work on the people's houses?

Me: Yes, they work on people's houses to make them safe and warm.

Small: Because the people are sad?

Me: Er... sometimes, sure. But your sister is going to help work on the houses to make them safe and warm. Isn't that nice?

Small: Are they sad because they miss their mommies?

Me: Maybe, but your sister is going to help them with their houses...

Small: And they miss their daddies?

Me: I don't know, sweetie, but isn't it nice of your sister to...

Small: What's their daddies' names?


Yeah, I don't think that went particularly well. Safe travels, Middle Child! I'll be here answering nonsensical questions all week.

The Glorious 4th

Ahh, the 4th of July! Parades! Fireworks! Meat on the grill! (Or in the case of the Man, non-meat on the grill. This year we're doing a portabello with provolone.)

It's a funny kind of holiday for me, in many ways. I'm very sentimental about America, and our freedoms, and actually have been since I spent some time in Yugoslavia as a teenager. But the holiday itself is rather a non-event, particularly this year.

My family is all over the country. My sister is a violinist with the Nashville Symphony, and plays a concert every year that is typically televised nationally, but on cable, so we never see it. We used to go to Florida and see my mom sometimes on the 4th, but it's such a brief holiday, it's rather inconvenient to drive twelve hours in one weekend. My husband's family has a mountain house that we sometimes visit, and that's pleasant, but only available if my in-laws are in town. Oldest is at an age that involves a pretty active social life- I'm growing increasingly wistful about how little I see him, and his day will include many activities, but few that will involve us. Middle Child is preparing for a church trip to Appalachia, and will be leaving at 6am on Sunday, so her mind is elsewhere.

Today, we'll have a cookout with the Man's brother and his family, and that will be nice... Small One in particular loves to play with her cousins. Then we'll head to downtown Decatur to watch the parade and fireworks from the lawn of our church, and that'll be nice too. If we're lucky, we'll see my cousin and her family during the Decatur festivities. None of it's terribly exciting, but maybe it's too hot to get all excited, anyway.

The most exciting 4th of July in my memory was in 1997, when my divorce was finalized on the 3rd. I found it extremely apropos to celebrate Independance Day that year, and the fireworks seemed to belong to me, personally.

Nowadays, the most exciting part of the 4th is deciding what Small One wears. I'll admit, she's a clothes horse, though I'm proud to say I never shop retail. My most thrilling hobby is collecting her wardrobe for pennies on the dollar, and it's almost embarrasing to admit, she has 4 outfits from which to choose this year, all equally patriotic.

She could've worn last year's, as she's still a peanut, sizewise. (Though I never realize how much she's changed in the past year until I see the pictures together!):

I got this dress for her to wear to church the day after, but unfortunately, (for her wardrobe, anyway), it's a children's ministry holiday. Oh well, she'll look patriotic another day!

Then there's this one:

But we decided on this, it seemed cookout, parade and fireworks worthy:

I hope all my readers are equally well attired, equally well loved, and have an equally nice Fourth of July, and maybe even an exciting one as well!

I am a rock

The other day when I picked Middle Child up from a social event, she was weepy. "I try to be friendly," she told me, "but it's like everyone is friends with each other, and I'm just someone who is also there."

I was sympathetic, and I tried to make her feel better. But truly, I was sad for her because I have no answer to that situation- I feel like it's where I live.

I have a large circle of acquaintance, and I have a few really good girlfriends, and a large family. When I have a situation in which I need assistance, such as a broken bone or a new baby, these people really come through, and I'm touched by the outpouring of support and care. But every day life? Well, that's sort of a different story.

When I say this mystifies me, I'm really being honest. I hear about lunch dates, dinners, movies, even vacations. Vacations? How do people end up going on vacation together? Sometimes I'm pushy and I say "Let me know next time, I'd love to come too!" and sometimes that works. As I'm typing this, I'm feeling like I'm whining, and I keep thinking that there is one friend with whom I actually do catch the occasional movie, but then as I think further... yeah, the last movie we saw together was over a year ago. I seem to just not have the "knack" for having a social life, despite the fact that I truly want one.

I puzzle over all of this, and I come up with different reasons... maybe it's because our family is a little bit quirky. I mean, our children span 16 years, which makes us busy in ways "regular" families aren't, because of everyone's differing activities and interests. My husband works an unusual job with irregular hours, our extended family is spread across the country, which means we have a tendency to be off one place or another and not be too consistent with things like church attendance. Also, we're not financially well off, so maybe that's a factor? And I work from home and am on the phone a good deal, particularly with extended family...I sometimes am embarrassed to be walking into preschool trying to wrap up a conversation, and maybe I put people off. Or maybe it's that my friends are too scattered across my life- I have church friends, atheist friends, parent friends, single friends, homeschool friends, public school friends, weight watcher's friends, foodie friends...maybe I just span too many groups?

In any event, I often feel like a bit of an island. People seem to find me entertaining, but for some reason I always feel like I'm just a little bit out of the loop. So it comes as no surprise to me that, as a blogger, I'm finding that art imitates life. I read other people's blogs, and it seems like there's this whole "blogging community" out there, and I honestly have no idea how to tap into it!

Now, I do follow some blogs, and I have some followers, but these are people I actually know from other places. And to be fair, I'm already addicted to facebook and entrenched in BabyCenter, so maybe it's a good thing that I haven't found the key to the blogging executive washroom, because at some point I do have to step away from the computer and raise my family. But there are giveaways, and memes, and awards, and all sorts of connections, and even people who seem to be friends because they blog and I truly have no idea how any of that works.

This month, I've signed up for nablopomo, the site that encourages members to blog daily. I did it for two reasons, and the primary reason is that I really want to become a more prolific writer. I want to have an incentive to sit down, every day, and pound out something readable, because if I had my druthers, I'd write for a living. And maybe someday I'll figure out a way to make that happen, but I know in my heart I won't if I don't get into the habit of writing on a more regular basis.

But the other reason is that I'm wondering if maybe by joining some sort of blogging "thing", I'll be able to crack the code. Maybe I'll find out how everyone else seems to be so communal in their blogging, while for me it's a very solitary pursuit.

So, wish me luck on being able to blog for 30 days straight, and wish me luck on finding my place in the blogging world. But in the meantime, seriously, does anyone want to go out for drinks or something?

Birthday Wishing

Small One turns three this September. While I realize this is a long way off, I also like to plan ahead for this particular event, because kids parties can get expensive and I like to bargain hunt for party supplies. (Also, it's fun!)

So, as I was considering it, I asked her opinion, and I have to say, I was a little surprised by the response. First of all, I really thought she'd want a princess party, or, more accurately, a Cinderella party, as she is pretty much obsessed with Cinderella. I mean, when we buy her the Disney Princess graham crackers, she only wants to eat the Cinderellas and glass slippers, she wants to go to sleep listening to "princess music" every night, and I routinely have to pretend to be her fairy godmother and then switch gears and be the prince, at which point she dances with me and sings "So This is Love". And then after our trip to Disney, during which THIS happened...

...well, I figured Cinderella was pretty much a shoo-in as a party theme. But surprisingly, no! She wants Sesame Street. Not just Sesame Street, either, it's actually going to be Elmo all the way, from plates, to stickers, to cupcakes that look like little Elmo heads. Alrighty, then!

But the BEST part of her plan is this: she only wants grown-ups. No friends, and she was actually going to go with "no little children" of any kind, but I got her to make the concession that her cousins can come, as long as they are accompanied by their parents. But that is all she'd budge on, in regards to children at her party.

I was mystified by this, until she explained, "The grown ups will KISS me, and HUG me, and sing 'Happy Birthday' to me, and tell me my DRESS looks pretty..."

Ahhhhh...I see! It IS going to be a princess party after all, I was just dead wrong on the featured princess.

Blueberry Blunder

Typically, I describe myself as sort of an indoor cat... much more at home on a velvet cushion, dipping into a saucer of cream, than out in the natural world. Camping? Not my thing. Hiking? No thanks. Gardening? Don't make me laugh.

But this year, for some reason, I've had an urgent desire to expose my Small One to nature. I enlisted the help of a green-thumbed friend and have been cultivating a sweet little vegetable garden. We've gone to pick strawberries TWICE. I spent almost a week in the mountains, 20 minutes from the nearest shopping center, and while I won't call that mountain house "roughing it", I will point out with considerable pride that I was the one who insisted that walking in the woods be part of our mountain experience. Seriously- I could happily have spent the entire time watching TLC, playing in the hot tub, drinking mojitos, and eating cookies and steaks in the absolutely modern kitchen, but no! I only spent 95% of the time doing those things, and fully 5% walking up and down mountain paths! Maybe even 7%! (Hey, those "Jon & Kate plus 8" and "What Not to Wear" marathons were NOT going to watch themselves, people.)

I digress. Anyway, in my quest to give my girls more natural experiences, I planned a trip to a "u-pick" blueberry farm a couple of weeks ago. I researched it rather thoroughly, picked a website that said blueberry picking was open as of mid-June, and even attempted to call and verify.

Here's what their outgoing message said:

"Hello, you have reached This and Such Farms. We're unable to answer your call at the moment because we're either out in the fields, or perhaps helping another customer. However, your call is VERY important to us. If you'll leave your name, number, approximate time of call, and a message, we'll get back to you just as soon as we possibly can. Crops available at our farm at this time include..." BEEP!

Now, maybe I'm just an impatient big city type, but wouldn't it perhaps be more logical to list what's available before you spend the rest of your time explaining what you might be doing and leaving detailed instructions on how someone might leave a message? I'm just saying. And it should be noted, as well, that I did, in fact, leave a message and my message was a rather urgent request for verification on the whole blueberry picking thing, but I did not receive a return call. Bah!

Yes, you guessed it. I drove two hours, teenager and two-year-old in tow, and arrived at the farm to find that they had no blueberries available for guests to pick. This was a major disappointment, as you can well imagine, but I'm really a "when life gives you lemons" kind of a girl, so I actually wouldn't leave until the nice ladies at the farm gave me some alternative activity that would justify driving that far and to that remote a location.

They did, offering a tour of the farm, and I returned to the minivan putting an entirely different spin on it, in classic "mom as cheerleader" style... "HEY! Guess WHAT, kids?!?!? We don't have to pick blueberries, but we can BUY them, and in the meantime, we get to LOOK at the farm! Whee!"

Luckily, they went for it. It was a pleasant, though not very informative, tour, as it was led by a volunteer who clearly has no idea what the farm accomplishes or why it exists. I did buy some lovely produce. Ironically, this farm brings the exact same produce to a small market 15 minutes from my HOME, but hey! This way we also got to pet some goats and watch a gigantic turkey scare the dickens out of Small One.

(He was rather intimidating, once he put his mind to it!)

While I was buying the produce, (and I shall never admit out loud how much those blueberries cost me, but the were the best blueberries I've ever eaten), the girls went back out to see the animals again, and Middle Child took pictures. Say what you want about dear old Middle Child, she is a very loving big sister, and a pretty good photographer as well.