Remember "Quotable Quotes"? From Reader's Digest? A page full of pithy and memorable quotations from famous people, to inspire, enlighten and amuse the reader. My girls are unbelievably quotable.
Small One keeps me giggling. Today at lunch, for instance, she said, while eating a BLT, "I like bacon. But I don't like monsters." This was good to know, but not so surprising- we've discussed monsters once already this week. That conversation went like this:
Small: Do bad guys eat people?
Me: Not typically. (hey, I try to be honest!)
Small:Do bad guys GET people? (makes grabbing motion with her hands)
Me: Yes, actually there are some bad guys who get little girls and take them away from their mamas, which is why you need to mind your Mama and stay with me. (I figure there's never a bad time to enforce this concept.)
Small: Ok. But monsters eat people, right? And dinosaurs do?
I guess it's a good idea to keep a running list of creatures that might eat you. Can't be too careful, right?
Sometimes her statements are inexplicable, like the time she asked where her Daddy was, and when I told her he was at work, she asked, in an exasperated tone, "But where's his face?"
I told her that I sincerely hoped his face was WITH him, or it might be off-putting to the other people at work.
Middle Child, though, is the Queen of the quotable. We've been having a tussle with her again, over her unwillingness to participate in anything that doesn't have to do with her friends, makeup, hair, clothing, facebook account, or ipod... including her schoolwork. Her grades are a good indicator of this unwilling attitude, and she's currently grounded, pending improvement. This situation, to her way of thinking, is entirely unjust, because (gear up now, quotable quote number one is coming)...
"Going to school is my gift to you."
Seriously? Going to school is her gift to ME? I hope she kept the receipt, because this is a crappy gift. If I were going to request someone's schooling as my particular present, I'd put on my request list at least ONE passing grade other than P.E., and possibly the added accessory of occasionally completed homework. But then again, she also said to me (quotable two!)...
"I don't really care about my grades- that's YOUR deal."
MY deal? Her grades are MY deal? Good grief, I wasn't a fan of highschool the first time around, I'm certainly not fascinated by it now, I just want her to get through it. (number three is coming, look out!)
"I brought my world history grade UP," she pointed out, with an injured air, "but I guess you just choose not to NOTICE that!"
Er... yes, I noticed, but to bring your grade up from abysmal to abysmal + 1 point does not really earn you accolades.
The Homecoming dance is the first major event she has missed because of the grade situation. I honestly don't think she believed I'd go through with it, as she presented me with roughly six million, three hundred thirty two thousand, eight hundred and twelve reasons that she should go, nay, verily, NEEDED to go, and when I still declined to allow it she said, (are you ready for number four?)
"I'm really losing respect for you, now that I see the lengths to which you will go to destroy a person."
That one made me laugh. It still makes me giggle, every time I think about it. Destroy a person? Seriously? I will bet that many of you readers who are of a certain age... my peers and those a little older, will recall a time when bringing home a dismal report card was a terrifying experience, because we were pretty sure our parents would literally destroy us. (Think Merry Old England, with the tower, and the decapitation, and the drawing and quartering and the heads on stakes and all that. ) Yeah, missing a dance will not destroy you, I'm only hoping it does not actually make you stronger.
This week's challenge? Halloween. M.C. has to have all her schoolwork turned in or she won't be allowed out of the house. I'm thinking this may be the Halloween that I actually get to witness someone turning into a werewolf or similarly terrifying beast.
Wish me luck! And while you're wishing things for me, I'll leave you with another of Small One's quotables. The Man was giving her a bath, and I was out for a walk. When I came in, I went to wash my hands, and my precious little girl turned to me and said,
"You look like a __" (undecipherable word)
I asked her to repeat, as I hadn't understood.
"I think you look like a ehhh!" she repeated, a little more emphatically.
When I still didn't get it, she clarified.
"A EGG," she said, "like Humpty Dumpty. Do you remember Humpty Dumpty?"
Ahh, yes, an EGG. Yes, dear Small, I remember Humpty Dumpty, though it has never been my aim to resemble him.
{Sigh}. They say kids keep you young... I'd add that they also keep you humble. And, of course, supplied with endless quotes, and points to ponder, though that's another Reader's Digest section entirely.
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Friday, October 9, 2009
So far so good!
Wednesday night closed the first week of my 101 day project. I meant to blog about it on Thursday, but Thursday was just the kind of day where blogging is not something that happens.
Here's something that happened, though: we were late. I mean, the kind of late that happens because the whole morning just doesn't work the way it should, the kind of late where the kid misses music class and you're late for your doctor's appointment. That kind of "I need a time machine" sort of late. On the way out the door, as I was cleaning out Small One's backpack, which I should've done two days earlier, I found a note from the teacher, asking me to send in a picture of something orange. I frantically scanned the room, looking for a catalog or flyer with perhaps a pumpkin... but no, I've been merciless about throwing things out lately, so there was no such item to be found.
I spotted the "Pin the Nose on the Elmo" game, which we've left up since the birthday party, because Small still plays with it. Elmo noses are orange! Better than a picture. Yes, folks, I took a laminated, egg shaped piece of orange construction paper to school, and smilingly told the teachers it's an Elmo nose. I'm pretty sure they already think I'm a little crazy after the beet juice cupcake thing anyway, so it's all good.
On the way home, Small One wailed "I FORGOT MY..." and the word sounded like "emino". Thinking she was doing that charming consonant swap little ones often do with the word animal, I asked "What kind of animal, Sweetie?".
She looked at me like I was as dumb as a box of rocks. "My ELMO NOSE." Ahhhhhh. No, that's ok, we were supposed to leave it.
So anyway, that's the kind of day it continued to be, and by the end of it I did not have the wherewithal to do a detailed 101 things update. But here goes:
Overall, I'd say it's going well! With the exception of one night that I stayed up late and one night that I forgot to say prayers with Small, I did all the daily and weekly stuff pretty well. In addition, we went to a festival and tried a new wine. (Not at the same time, though!) Family devotionals have not been going as well as I'd hoped, primarily because of illness and busy-ness in the family, but the Man and I have been doing them most nights with the Small One. So all in all, I'd say it's off to a good start.
I did try a new recipe, and it was YUM, but I did it last night, so it doesn't really count as the first week. I'll post it anyway:
Corn Dog Muffins:
Mix together: one box of cornbread mix (I used Martha White, but whatever), 1/2 can of creamed corn, and two chopped up hotdogs. Put into muffin cups, and bake at 400 degrees for 15-20 minutes. BIG hit with the preschooler, and I liked it too, though next time I'm doubling the hot dogs. Makes 9 muffins! How easy is that?
Anyway, on to week two, with high hopes!
Here's something that happened, though: we were late. I mean, the kind of late that happens because the whole morning just doesn't work the way it should, the kind of late where the kid misses music class and you're late for your doctor's appointment. That kind of "I need a time machine" sort of late. On the way out the door, as I was cleaning out Small One's backpack, which I should've done two days earlier, I found a note from the teacher, asking me to send in a picture of something orange. I frantically scanned the room, looking for a catalog or flyer with perhaps a pumpkin... but no, I've been merciless about throwing things out lately, so there was no such item to be found.
I spotted the "Pin the Nose on the Elmo" game, which we've left up since the birthday party, because Small still plays with it. Elmo noses are orange! Better than a picture. Yes, folks, I took a laminated, egg shaped piece of orange construction paper to school, and smilingly told the teachers it's an Elmo nose. I'm pretty sure they already think I'm a little crazy after the beet juice cupcake thing anyway, so it's all good.
On the way home, Small One wailed "I FORGOT MY..." and the word sounded like "emino". Thinking she was doing that charming consonant swap little ones often do with the word animal, I asked "What kind of animal, Sweetie?".
She looked at me like I was as dumb as a box of rocks. "My ELMO NOSE." Ahhhhhh. No, that's ok, we were supposed to leave it.
So anyway, that's the kind of day it continued to be, and by the end of it I did not have the wherewithal to do a detailed 101 things update. But here goes:
Overall, I'd say it's going well! With the exception of one night that I stayed up late and one night that I forgot to say prayers with Small, I did all the daily and weekly stuff pretty well. In addition, we went to a festival and tried a new wine. (Not at the same time, though!) Family devotionals have not been going as well as I'd hoped, primarily because of illness and busy-ness in the family, but the Man and I have been doing them most nights with the Small One. So all in all, I'd say it's off to a good start.
I did try a new recipe, and it was YUM, but I did it last night, so it doesn't really count as the first week. I'll post it anyway:
Corn Dog Muffins:
Mix together: one box of cornbread mix (I used Martha White, but whatever), 1/2 can of creamed corn, and two chopped up hotdogs. Put into muffin cups, and bake at 400 degrees for 15-20 minutes. BIG hit with the preschooler, and I liked it too, though next time I'm doubling the hot dogs. Makes 9 muffins! How easy is that?
Anyway, on to week two, with high hopes!
Monday, October 5, 2009
The Parent I Want to Be
I have a book in my possession, entitled "Becoming the Parent you Want to Be".
I looked at that book tonight, glass of wine in hand, and wondered to myself...
Is there a chapter in that book that tells you how to be the parent lying on a beach somewhere being tended by cabana boys whilst sipping something fruity, while your precious little darlings are elsewhere, being cared for by someone who currently likes them better than you do?
No? Then that stupid book CLEARLY does not know the parent I want to be right now.
I looked at that book tonight, glass of wine in hand, and wondered to myself...
Is there a chapter in that book that tells you how to be the parent lying on a beach somewhere being tended by cabana boys whilst sipping something fruity, while your precious little darlings are elsewhere, being cared for by someone who currently likes them better than you do?
No? Then that stupid book CLEARLY does not know the parent I want to be right now.
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
The Thursday... 101?
It's done! I did it, I came up with 101 things! (With a little help from my friends, of course.) Now, following through on the 101 is going to be the hard part...
Anyway, in case you're confused, or missed my first post about this, check out dayzeroproject.com. It's an interesting concept, I think, and I think more people should jump on the bandwagon, even if they don't start on 10/1. For me, I'm doing it because I feel like I've been in a bit of a daze for about four years now. My pregnancy, the broken leg, the broken arm, the broken oven... I haven't felt like myself of late, and I'm ready to make a come back. So, without further ado:
101 Things in 1001 Days!
1) read every book in the Bible again
2) say prayers with Small One every night
3) pray every day and keep an accurate prayer journal
4) have a family devotional at least 5 nights a week
5) volunteer to teach Sunday school at least twice
6) participate in a women's Bible study
Things to Learn:
7) learn to knit and complete 2 knitting projects
8) learn to cook 10 completely new recipes (1. corn dog muffins 2. frito pie 3.oatmeal pecan laceys)
9) learn to play one song on the guitar
10) learn how to make hairbows
11) once a month, learn a cool new craft to do with Small One
Places to Go:
12) take a no kids trip
13) take a girls only trip
14) take an overnight trip to Chattanooga, just for fun
15) go to 3 festivals
16) take Small One on the Ferris wheel
17) go out and see 3 local bands
18) visit 2 significant places in the us that I've never seen before
19) spend a weekend doing touristy things in Atlanta
20) go to a Christmas parade
Things to Do:
21) watch 3 classic movies I've never seen
22) bake bread once a week
23) make homemade pizza twice a month
24) do something funky with my hair at least once
25) update the baby books (yes, I'm aware the oldest baby is 19!) =P
26) make a book of family and collected recipes
27) plan weekly menus every weekend
28) try three new restaurants
29) buy something at a silent auction
30) try 3 kinds of wine we've never tried
31) once a month, buy a random gift on sale to put in the gift closet
32) sing karaoke
People to See:
33) host a game night
34) go to the movies with a friend once a month
35) once a month, email someone I don't regularly email
36) host 5 dinner parties
37) host a party on a holiday
Family Bonds:
38) have Mom and Middle Child day once a month
39) get a really good picture of the three kids together
40) get a really good picture of me with each of the kids
41) get a really good picture of me with The Man
42) get a really good family portrait and frame it
43) 5 times, mail photos to the in-laws
44) once a month, send a card to my grandmother
45) every other month, mail photos to my parents
46)mail photos to 5 relatives I don't communicate with regularly
47) once a week, go out with The Man
48) once a month, call my grandmother
49) take Small One to 10 community events, like story time at the library
50) take Middle Child to visit 5 college campuses
51) once a month, take Oldest to lunch and talk
Intellectual Growth:
52)read books by 10 authors I've never read before
53) complete an entire book of crossword puzzles
54)find 3 poems with significance to me
55)submit a manuscript for publication
56) blog every day for a month 6 times
57) write a children's story
Setting the House in Order:
58)paint the hallway
59)replace all the hardware in the kitchen
60) clean out the craft closet every 6 months
61) clean out my sewing baskets and complete projects lingering there
62) frame family photos and hang them in the living room
63) organize all snapshots
64) get rid of 50 books
65) sort out 10 boxes from the basement
66) have a yard sale
67) create a truly comfortable guest room/office
Personal Health and Growth:
68) take a walk every day
69) declare one week a month "no sweets week"
70) achieve my goal weight
71) go to bed before midnight at least 6 nights/week
72) train for and participate in a 5k for charity
73) declare one day a month "no technology day"- no phone, no tv, no computer, nothing. the oven is still allowed. =)
74) once a month, do something alone that isn't an errand or chore
75) take a dance class
The Great Outdoors:
76) work in the yard once a week
77) grow a garden every spring
78) add one new thing to the garden each year
79) take Small One to a playground once a week
80) pick blueberries
81) pick apples
82) take a walk in the mountains every fall to look at the leaves
83) watch the sunrise from the beach
84) watch the sunset in the mountains
85) try letterboxing or geocaching
Monetary Matters:
86)set up an Etsy shop
87)have $500 in savings by the end date
88) have $100 in Small One’s savings by the end date, in addition to what’s already there
89) list everything I have set aside for ebay
90) be a seller at a consignment sale every spring and fall
Random Kindness:
91) donate to a food bank once a month
92) spend one holiday doing volunteer work
93) once a week, leave a comment on someone's blog
94) once a year, do something nice for someone anonymously
95) Write and mail an encouraging letter to someone once a week
96) donate to 3 charities to which we've never donated before
97) at Christmas, take Small One to buy a toy for Toys for Tots
98) twice, donate money towards the groceries of the person behind me in line
Keeping it Real:
99)save $1 for every failure on this list
100)update this list weekly on my blog
101)on day 1001, publish a new list and start over!
Edited again, because I realized that updating this publicly is too much pressure! =)
Monday, September 28, 2009
Not Enough Things
No, I have not suddenly become materialistic- not to worry. But I've become inspired to participate in the Day Zero Project , and make a list of 101 things to accomplish in 1001 days. Several of my cyber friends are doing it, mostly because of the example set by our talented friend Sarah... and reading their lists has made me want to jump in there and make one of my own. People are starting on October 1st, and that would be a really interesting day for me to start as well, because I’d hit my 1001 days the day after Middle Child’s 18th birthday.
Sadly, I may be too boring to do this. I have been working on this list for 3 days now, and have only come up with 28 things. How pathetic is that? The Man won't contribute ideas, for some reason, and I'm having a mental block. Is it possible that I'm too boring for this? Or maybe it's the opposite, and I've just lived way too interesting a life, so I'm out of things I want to do? (Just kidding about that last one.)
Anyhoo... I thought I'd bring it here, and make a plea to you, my friendly readers. Make some suggestions, please! Here's what I have so far:
101 things in 1001 days
- read every book in the Bible again (0/66)
- visit 2 significant places in the US that I've never seen before (0/2)
- learn to knit and finish 2 knitting projects (0/2)
- read books by 10 authors I've never read before (0/10)
- find 3 poems with significance to me (0/3)
- submit a manuscript for publication (0/1)
- learn to cook 10 completely new recipes (0/10)
- take a walk every day (0/1001)
- declare one week a month "no sweets week" (0/33)
- declare one day a month "no technology day"- no phone, no tv, no computer, nothing. the oven is still allowed. =) (0/33)
- work in the yard once a week (0/143)
- grow a garden every spring (0/3)
- add one new thing to the garden each year (0/3)
- take Small One to a playground once a week (0/143)
- set up an Etsy shop (0/1)
- donate to a food bank once a month (0/33)
- have mom and Middle Child day once a month (0/33)
- take a no kids trip (0/1)
- host a game night (0/1)
- take a girls only trip (0/1)
- watch 3 classic movies I've never seen (0/3)
- blog every day for a month 6 times (0/6)
- spend one holiday doing volunteer work (0/1)
- go to the movies with a friend once a month (0/33)
- learn to play one song on the guitar (0/1)
- watch the sunrise from the beach
- bake bread once a week (0/143)
- make homemade pizza twice a month (0/66)
So what do you think, readers? Do you have any suggestions for me? I just KNOW I can get a few from at least one of my list loving friends...
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Monday, September 14, 2009
Laughing is better than crying, right?
I will admit, I'm easily tickled. More embarrassingly, I crack myself up all the time. Something simple comes up, and my brain takes it in a direction that just makes me laugh, and there I am, an appreciative audience of one to my own stand-up act. Loser-y, but true.
Typos really make me giggle. This takes me back to my high school typing class, in which I performed miserably, at least partly because Richard League was in my class, and that guy was FUNNY. I am absolutely no good at typing without glancing at my hands, and I was perpetually shifting over a key, which Richard dubbed "typing in Swedish". Today, though, I'm always giggling by myself at other people's typos, though I am pretty good about not pointing them out.
Tonight, though, I have to share. I'm a member of an online mother's group, and though I mostly go on there to hang out with other moms who have children the same age as my Small One, I have recently discovered a group for moms of teens as well, which I'm thinking I could really use, because dealing with teenaged kids pretty much REQUIRES a support group. Today, one of the topics was "How to keep your cool when they get so mouthy", which is, of course, pertinent. People were talking about all the same things I deal with on a weekly basis with Middle Child... the eye rolling, the door slamming, the yelling, the back talk, the fit throwing... I can't decide whether it's encouraging or depressing to know we're all in the same boat.
One post in particular, though, caught my eye. This mom states that her daughter throws fits that involve "screaming and whaling".
REALLY?!?!? Whaling? Now, that's interesting. Ingenious, even! What a creative way to burn off that negative energy!!! Where does the child get the whaling vessel and harpoons? And isn't that illegal most places? Surely the legality is an issue which needs attention. I am telling you, I elaborated on this and giggled at myself for hours. The mental image of that child dressed as a whaler was enough to keep me going for a long time. Call her Ishmael. (See, I'm still going with this!)
In her defense, the mom who wrote that is extremely intelligent and articulate, and I don't know that I've ever even caught her in a typo before, but somehow, that made it funnier.
Well, anyway, I guess laughter is my drug of choice. And red wine, but that's a topic for another day. Middle Child is back, as I've said, and she is back with a vengeance. Many days I'm actually physically tired from standing my ground. Boarding school, where art thou?
(I'm kidding, we can't afford boarding school, I've already checked.)
The other day, after suffering through a particularly ugly "mouthing off" incident at Target, I put M.C. out of the car. Yes, I did. It wasn't too far from home, it wasn't a busy street, but I was making a point. At first she tried to stare me down and refuse to get out of the car, but I won that one by offering her a chance to trade the walk home for two weeks of being grounded. She has enough sense to know that was a bad deal, so she reluctantly left the vehicle, but not without yelling at me, just before she slammed the door,
"You'd better HOPE I come HOME!!!"
Oh, I laughed so hard at that one! I'm still laughing, truth be told. I mean, seriously? What was her plan? And if you're going to threaten me, at LEAST pick something SCARY!
Someday, she'll look back on all this and laugh too, right?
Typos really make me giggle. This takes me back to my high school typing class, in which I performed miserably, at least partly because Richard League was in my class, and that guy was FUNNY. I am absolutely no good at typing without glancing at my hands, and I was perpetually shifting over a key, which Richard dubbed "typing in Swedish". Today, though, I'm always giggling by myself at other people's typos, though I am pretty good about not pointing them out.
Tonight, though, I have to share. I'm a member of an online mother's group, and though I mostly go on there to hang out with other moms who have children the same age as my Small One, I have recently discovered a group for moms of teens as well, which I'm thinking I could really use, because dealing with teenaged kids pretty much REQUIRES a support group. Today, one of the topics was "How to keep your cool when they get so mouthy", which is, of course, pertinent. People were talking about all the same things I deal with on a weekly basis with Middle Child... the eye rolling, the door slamming, the yelling, the back talk, the fit throwing... I can't decide whether it's encouraging or depressing to know we're all in the same boat.
One post in particular, though, caught my eye. This mom states that her daughter throws fits that involve "screaming and whaling".
REALLY?!?!? Whaling? Now, that's interesting. Ingenious, even! What a creative way to burn off that negative energy!!! Where does the child get the whaling vessel and harpoons? And isn't that illegal most places? Surely the legality is an issue which needs attention. I am telling you, I elaborated on this and giggled at myself for hours. The mental image of that child dressed as a whaler was enough to keep me going for a long time. Call her Ishmael. (See, I'm still going with this!)
In her defense, the mom who wrote that is extremely intelligent and articulate, and I don't know that I've ever even caught her in a typo before, but somehow, that made it funnier.
Well, anyway, I guess laughter is my drug of choice. And red wine, but that's a topic for another day. Middle Child is back, as I've said, and she is back with a vengeance. Many days I'm actually physically tired from standing my ground. Boarding school, where art thou?
(I'm kidding, we can't afford boarding school, I've already checked.)
The other day, after suffering through a particularly ugly "mouthing off" incident at Target, I put M.C. out of the car. Yes, I did. It wasn't too far from home, it wasn't a busy street, but I was making a point. At first she tried to stare me down and refuse to get out of the car, but I won that one by offering her a chance to trade the walk home for two weeks of being grounded. She has enough sense to know that was a bad deal, so she reluctantly left the vehicle, but not without yelling at me, just before she slammed the door,
"You'd better HOPE I come HOME!!!"
Oh, I laughed so hard at that one! I'm still laughing, truth be told. I mean, seriously? What was her plan? And if you're going to threaten me, at LEAST pick something SCARY!
Someday, she'll look back on all this and laugh too, right?
Monday, August 24, 2009
The Continuing Adventures of Small One's Mom
In case you are uninformed, please allow me to tell you about the three slowest land mammals on record. Coming in at number three is the two-toed sloth, a creature so slow moving that algae actually grows on his fur, providing him with the camouflage needed to do nothing but hang in a tree all day. Claiming second place is my own darling Man, who has been known to take two hours purchasing one item at a store five minutes from our home, provided there is someone in that store with whom to chat. In the top slot, though, is my ex-husband, the father of Eldest and M.C., whose errand running length is the stuff of legend. Nice guy, Mr. X, but truly slow moving.
That being the case, I was mildly distressed when I came running out of my bedroom the other day to find that he was in my hallway and had parked behind my car. He'd come by to pick up some things for Eldest, who is now living with him in order to be near his college, but I was running out the door to the bank, and I had exactly 33 minutes to make what is typically a 20 minute trek. Sure enough, it took Mr. X 16 minutes to move his car... to the other side of my driveway. I am not making that up.
I called the bank, and asked to speak to my own personal bank hook-up, who often grants me exceptions to bank rules because she is crazy about my Small One. The feeling is mutual, by the way, with Small often asking to go to visit her "friends at the bank". Unfortunately, my friend no longer works the late shift, so I received no sympathy from the teller to whom I told my tale of woe.
I drove faster. When it became apparent that I was still not going to make it. I called again, to ask if maybe I could give her all my numbers to input BEFORE they closed, since I would be screeching in 5 minutes AFTER they closed. She said no, then asked for my name. I told her, she was deadly silent. Then I added "I'm Small One's mom!" ...her voice went up an octave, and became all cheery and helpful. Result? Yeah, she made my deposit when I got there. Sometimes it's good to be Small One's Mom.
Yesterday, though, it was not as much fun. Small was supposed to start a gymnastics class a week ago, but because of recent family events, we were unable to make it. Yesterday was the second scheduled class, so we went- although I must tell you, Small spent the entire morning protesting, while simultaneously proving she needed to go. "I NOT NEEDA go to 'nastics class!" she'd shriek at me, while standing on her head on my bed. Yeah, she needed to go.
(Now, I've gone back and forth on whether to mention the name of the facility, because the story you're about to hear is a cautionary tale, but I can't actually speak for the quality of class, and the equipment looks impressive. However, the level of crazy madness in this story almost requires me to throw the Tucker Rec Center under the bus, so there... I just did.)
Anyway, we got there, and the signage for locating the gymnastics class was not as helpful as one would hope. We were late, we were lost, and I was getting frustrated. After about 10 minutes of wandering through cavernous halls devoid of friendly faces, we approached the front office. This is when I should have known the level of service I was about to receive... there were a few staff members standing by a door that obviously led into an office. I approached them and said "Excuse me..." only to be cut off by a man who said to me, very sternly, "MA'AM! You're gonna need to go around to the other door!" as he helpfully pointed me in the direction of another door... to the SAME ROOM. I am SO not kidding. There wasn't even a counter or divider or anything, it was just all one room!
The girl at the desk was on her cell phone. She placed her personal call on hold and asked if she could help me. I said "My daughter is signed up for the 12:30 little kids' gymnastics class..." and she was already sorrowfully shaking her head.
"I was just fixin' to start calling people," she said, "'cause that class is cancelled."
REALLY? She was just "fixin' to START calling people", 10 minutes into the class time?
"Did they have class last week?" I asked.
"No," she said, "they haven't had a teacher for that class yet."
Ok, let's see if I have this right. The class has been cancelled for over a week, yet this girl was planning to begin calling the parents, right after she finished her personal call. Got it.
"Ok..." I said, "is there another class for this age?"
"No ma'am," she replied, "They're all full, but you can apply for a refund if you want."
I told her I did indeed want to apply, and she told me I'd have to bring in my cancelled check. REALLY? Wouldn't it seem that my child's name on the roster in front of her would indicate the receipt of my payment? Apparently not.
"I don't know that I'd apply for a refund just yet, anyway," she continued, "because we MAY get a teacher."
I said, "Well, do I need to call you back about that?"
to which she replied, "Oh, no ma'am, we'll call you."
I did not make a smart comment about this statement, but that was not because they weren't all there in my head dying to come out. Seriously? Because they're so good at calling and letting people know things?
I made sure she knew my name, and Small's name, and I turned to leave. About that time, a second woman came in, and told the desk girl that she needed to call all the gymnastics parents and inform them that a teacher had been located, and classes would resume tomorrow. (Except she pronounced it "Tuhmarruh"
I said "So, classes will happen next week?"
She replied "No, not next week. Tomorrow."
I was genuinely confused. I asked again, "But, if my child is not in tomorrow's class, does that mean her class will happen next week."
She leaned closer to my face, since obviously my stupidity was the issue here. "TUH-MARR-UH," she said emphatically.
I leaned towards her. "But what if my child's class was supposed to be TUH- DAY?" I asked, just as emphatically.
She was clearly taken aback. "Oh, yeah, then bring her in next week," she said, in a pleasanter tone.
I walked out of the building, and called my husband. "If you are looking for me," I said, "I'll be outside Tucker Rec, lying on the ground, beating my head into the concrete."
Small One began wailing as I put her into the carseat. "I NEEDA GO TO MY 'NASTICS CLASS!!!!!!" (Funny how that particular worm turned, isn't it? Interesting reversal of opinion.)
As I drove away, my phone rang. I answered it, and a now familiar voice said "Uh, this is Tucker Rec Center, calling to inform you that we have found a teacher for your child's class..."
I cut in. "I was just standing in front of your desk, not five minutes ago."
"Oh," she said cheerfully, "I thought I recognized your name from somewhere."
Ah, wish us luck next week at nastics class.
That being the case, I was mildly distressed when I came running out of my bedroom the other day to find that he was in my hallway and had parked behind my car. He'd come by to pick up some things for Eldest, who is now living with him in order to be near his college, but I was running out the door to the bank, and I had exactly 33 minutes to make what is typically a 20 minute trek. Sure enough, it took Mr. X 16 minutes to move his car... to the other side of my driveway. I am not making that up.
I called the bank, and asked to speak to my own personal bank hook-up, who often grants me exceptions to bank rules because she is crazy about my Small One. The feeling is mutual, by the way, with Small often asking to go to visit her "friends at the bank". Unfortunately, my friend no longer works the late shift, so I received no sympathy from the teller to whom I told my tale of woe.
I drove faster. When it became apparent that I was still not going to make it. I called again, to ask if maybe I could give her all my numbers to input BEFORE they closed, since I would be screeching in 5 minutes AFTER they closed. She said no, then asked for my name. I told her, she was deadly silent. Then I added "I'm Small One's mom!" ...her voice went up an octave, and became all cheery and helpful. Result? Yeah, she made my deposit when I got there. Sometimes it's good to be Small One's Mom.
Yesterday, though, it was not as much fun. Small was supposed to start a gymnastics class a week ago, but because of recent family events, we were unable to make it. Yesterday was the second scheduled class, so we went- although I must tell you, Small spent the entire morning protesting, while simultaneously proving she needed to go. "I NOT NEEDA go to 'nastics class!" she'd shriek at me, while standing on her head on my bed. Yeah, she needed to go.
(Now, I've gone back and forth on whether to mention the name of the facility, because the story you're about to hear is a cautionary tale, but I can't actually speak for the quality of class, and the equipment looks impressive. However, the level of crazy madness in this story almost requires me to throw the Tucker Rec Center under the bus, so there... I just did.)
Anyway, we got there, and the signage for locating the gymnastics class was not as helpful as one would hope. We were late, we were lost, and I was getting frustrated. After about 10 minutes of wandering through cavernous halls devoid of friendly faces, we approached the front office. This is when I should have known the level of service I was about to receive... there were a few staff members standing by a door that obviously led into an office. I approached them and said "Excuse me..." only to be cut off by a man who said to me, very sternly, "MA'AM! You're gonna need to go around to the other door!" as he helpfully pointed me in the direction of another door... to the SAME ROOM. I am SO not kidding. There wasn't even a counter or divider or anything, it was just all one room!
The girl at the desk was on her cell phone. She placed her personal call on hold and asked if she could help me. I said "My daughter is signed up for the 12:30 little kids' gymnastics class..." and she was already sorrowfully shaking her head.
"I was just fixin' to start calling people," she said, "'cause that class is cancelled."
REALLY? She was just "fixin' to START calling people", 10 minutes into the class time?
"Did they have class last week?" I asked.
"No," she said, "they haven't had a teacher for that class yet."
Ok, let's see if I have this right. The class has been cancelled for over a week, yet this girl was planning to begin calling the parents, right after she finished her personal call. Got it.
"Ok..." I said, "is there another class for this age?"
"No ma'am," she replied, "They're all full, but you can apply for a refund if you want."
I told her I did indeed want to apply, and she told me I'd have to bring in my cancelled check. REALLY? Wouldn't it seem that my child's name on the roster in front of her would indicate the receipt of my payment? Apparently not.
"I don't know that I'd apply for a refund just yet, anyway," she continued, "because we MAY get a teacher."
I said, "Well, do I need to call you back about that?"
to which she replied, "Oh, no ma'am, we'll call you."
I did not make a smart comment about this statement, but that was not because they weren't all there in my head dying to come out. Seriously? Because they're so good at calling and letting people know things?
I made sure she knew my name, and Small's name, and I turned to leave. About that time, a second woman came in, and told the desk girl that she needed to call all the gymnastics parents and inform them that a teacher had been located, and classes would resume tomorrow. (Except she pronounced it "Tuhmarruh"
I said "So, classes will happen next week?"
She replied "No, not next week. Tomorrow."
I was genuinely confused. I asked again, "But, if my child is not in tomorrow's class, does that mean her class will happen next week."
She leaned closer to my face, since obviously my stupidity was the issue here. "TUH-MARR-UH," she said emphatically.
I leaned towards her. "But what if my child's class was supposed to be TUH- DAY?" I asked, just as emphatically.
She was clearly taken aback. "Oh, yeah, then bring her in next week," she said, in a pleasanter tone.
I walked out of the building, and called my husband. "If you are looking for me," I said, "I'll be outside Tucker Rec, lying on the ground, beating my head into the concrete."
Small One began wailing as I put her into the carseat. "I NEEDA GO TO MY 'NASTICS CLASS!!!!!!" (Funny how that particular worm turned, isn't it? Interesting reversal of opinion.)
As I drove away, my phone rang. I answered it, and a now familiar voice said "Uh, this is Tucker Rec Center, calling to inform you that we have found a teacher for your child's class..."
I cut in. "I was just standing in front of your desk, not five minutes ago."
"Oh," she said cheerfully, "I thought I recognized your name from somewhere."
Ah, wish us luck next week at nastics class.
Thursday, August 20, 2009
On a lighter note- the Thursday 13
Thirteen Useful Items that Can be Purchased at the Dollar Store:
(Because people seemed mystified that one could purchase dishwasher detergent there)
(Because people seemed mystified that one could purchase dishwasher detergent there)
- Canned Goods- seriously, a canned good is a canned good! Granted, this is one of those Dollar Store gray areas, where you need to make sure you aren't buying for $1 what the grocery store sells for 63 cents, but still...
- Condiments- again, what's the difference? Ketchup is ketchup.
- Garbage Bags- I got a box of 15 last time I was there.
- Light Bulbs
- Batteries- I've gotten Panasonic, in everything from triple A to D.
- Sunglasses- ok, so it's not the brand the movie stars wear, but hey! Dollar Store sunglasses will do in a pinch. Especially if you're like me and utterly incapable of not sitting on expensive sunglasses. The pricier they are, the faster I demolish them.
- Coloring Books- because seriously, coloring books have gotten ridiculous at regular stores.
- Dishwashing detergent- yes, it's true, I promise. You can also get laundry detergent, but I'm nervous about that.
- Toys- SOMETIMES you can even get GOOD toys! At the very least, party favors.
- Pet Food- I fed my cats Dollar Store cat food for two weeks, with no ill effects.
- Paper Products- paper towels, napkins, paper plates and cups, etc, etc... also wrapping paper.
- Household supplies- No, not just dish detergent! Window cleaner, all purpose cleaner, brushes, scrubby things, auto accessories. A veritable plethora of supplies!
- PREGNANCY TESTS. This, to me, is the biggest Christmas miracle of all. Why pay $15 for one test at the drug store? Seriously, if you, like me, are constantly paranoid that you're knocked up, you can STOCK UP for $15!!! You can buy 15 tests! That's, like, 5 months worth. (Assuming you test, decide that test must be wrong, test again, then wait a day and test again in case BOTH tests were wrong. Come on, you know you've done it.)
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