Friday, April 17, 2009

Blogoboreophobia and Nonsense

So, yeah, I know, I haven’t blogged in ages. Here’s the problem, I have blogoboreophobia, and by that I mean “fear of blogging such boring crap that no one will want to read it”. That was actually a fear that kept me from blogging for years, because let’s face it, we’ve all read some seriously boring blogs. Who wants to know the mundane details of someone else’s life? Don’t we all have mundane details of our own?

Not that I haven’t had anything notable going on in my world, but some of it is too depressing, some too cutesie. Do you care about every word out of my precocious Small One’s mouth? I thought not. Do I really want to share the details of how I came to break my arse and in the same month attend an arson inquisition on behalf of my Middle Child? I mean, I could tell you, but I might get maudlin.

Good things are coming up, I promise. I might post Easter pictures. I’ll definitely detail Oldest’s prom. But meanwhile, I’ll just leave you with this utterly nonsensical conversation I had recently with a customer service agent who works for our local newspaper.

Me: I’d like to cancel my newspaper subscription.

Lady: Oh, well, I can certainly help you with that, but may I ask why you need to cancel?

Me: Well, I thought I’d read the paper, but as it turns out, I never have time to, so they just pile up.

Lady: Oh, yes, I know it’s hard to find spare time these days. But the newspaper can help with your time management, since it contains wonderful time saving tips!

Me: That’s great, but since I never take it out of the plastic bag, it’s not really helping me.

Lady: Oh, well, might I suggest that you switch to only Friday through Sunday delivery?

Me: I only have Sunday delivery as it is.

Lady (dubiously): And you don’t read it? I mean, are you aware of all the money saving coupons?


Me: Yes, I’m aware, that’s why I initially got it, but no, I seriously have 8 newspapers in plastic bags in a stack right here.

Lady: I see. Well, what you may NOT have considered is that the newspaper is PORTABLE. A great benefit of the paper is that you can carry it with you and read it ANYWHERE!

Me: Portable?!?!? What?!?!?!?!?!? Well, that changes EVERYTHING!

No, I didn’t say that, but I wanted to. I have to give the lady credit though, she’s really dedicated to her cause, isn’t she?