Friday, March 19, 2010

Hair-rowing morning

(Ba dump bump!) Nothing like a bad pun to start the weekend!

When I'm feeling prosperous, I get my hair done at Beehive Hair Company . The ladies there are SO good, and I love them personally as well. Nothing like hanging out with girlfriends who can make you beautiful! Beth once did such a fabulous job on my highlights, I swear it took ten years off my head... Katy obliged me with red stripes for the holidays. Good people, those.

Currently, alas, I'm not feeling as wealthy. Consequently, I'm doing my own hair. Not such a tragedy, as I did go to school for that, and have been known to be clever with the scissors and bottle, but today was a little different. I found a semi-permanent brand that I like to use, on a half off sale, at a drug store that's going out of business. (This was probably where I made my error!) This morning, my plan was to very quickly apply it before my morning shower, and then go about my business for the day.

Mixing the solution, I noticed that the peroxide was looking a little wobbly- not as thick as I'm used to. No matter, I plunged ahead, and as I applied the first line of color to my hair, the bottle made a rather unpleasant creaking sound, a sound like old plastic. I had my trepidations, but what could I do at that point? I had a stripe of color on my hair already. I gave the bottle a tentative second squeeze, and... KABLAMMO!

Yes, folks, the bottle exploded! Haircolor on the walls, the mirror, the sink, the toothbrushes- picture me, if you will, scraping haircolor off the wall and applying it with my fingers. I am not even kidding! As I scraped it carefully off the instruction paper that came with the color, I noticed a coupon on the back, that expired in 2008. Excellent!

All's well that ends well, right? And the color is fine, my gray is successfully covered, all is right with the world. As I was feverishly scrubbing brown drippy goo off every surface of my bathroom, Small One came in to check out the commotion. I explained to her what had happened, and she pointed to a spot on my chest, asking if it was haircolor.

I told her no, I didn't actually need to clean that off, it's a mole. She visibly brightened. "Thumbelina knew a mole," she said, "and he wanted to marry her!"

Friday, March 12, 2010

Things observed on the way to Florida

  1. An accident. Not just any accident, but a spectacular accident. I didn't see any injured people or ambulances, but I did see: a jack-knifed 18 wheeler on the side of the road, a car with the driver's door pulled off, a car with the hood bashed in, a police car with a flat tire (cop was changing it in the center lane), and two other 18 wheelers sitting in the middle of the road, apparently unscathed. Any theories on this? I'll definitely come up with a prize for the best story someone can come up with to explain all of that- my only theory is the possible involvement of zombies.
  2. Ashburn Georgia. We stopped there for a break, and it is only remarkable because they have a giant sign announcing that they are "Home of the Fire Ant Festival!" I am not even kidding, there's actually a big ant on the sign. I think he may even be winking and giving a thumbs up. What on God's green earth would possess ANYONE to have a fire ant festival? Don't the people in Ashburn know that fire ants are Satan's minions? I am NOT going to that festival.
  3. A sign for the "premiere gentleman's club of Valdosta", on which the slogan is "sexy, fancy, fluffy". Fluffy? This is what I'm picturing:

Well, what would life be if every day didn't bring new adventure? And of course, I can't end the blog without mentioning my Small One. Today, I got her to sign the rather belated birthday card for my sweet and pretty little sister in law. Small adores her, and of course wanted to draw a picture for her as well. Here's the conversation that followed:

Me: Small, what are you drawing for Auntie?

Small: I'm drawing a picture of her.

Me: Oh, that's a great idea! What are you drawing now?

Small: I'm giving her a REALLY COOL beard, because it's her birthday! And also, a cupcake.

Ok, then. As long as it's a really cool one, I'm sure it will be appreciated.

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Is it me?

Do I just bring out the strange in people? Sometimes I really wonder.

I have a giant purse. I mean a huge, cavernous purse. Tonight at the grocery store, I pulled out my driver's license to prove I was old enough to buy wine (not that the girl couldn't have just looked at my 400 year old FACE to figure that out) and dropped the license down into the depths of the purse. That meant that when, 2 minutes later, I needed to write a check, I had to spend quite a lot of time digging.

And come to think of it, when I was showing the id for the wine, I made a comment that may explain the rest of the story... I was at one of those self check registers, where the cashier has to come to you to ok you to buy alcohol, etc, and I said to her "Hey, also, I have coupons, and I'm writing a check, so you may want to just hang out here and be my new best friend for awhile."

I think she may have taken me literally.

I was digging in my purse, head down, really focused on finding the license, when I became aware of the cashier's face, which was about 4 inches from the side of my head. I turned so that we were (almost literally) eyeball to eyeball, and she said, in rather a louder voice than necessary at such a close proximity,

"What's that movie called? Blindsided? The Blindsided?"

I was startled, to say the least. I took a small step backward and said "Um... The Blind Side?"

She clapped me on the shoulder and stepped back into "breathing each other's breath" range. "YEAH! Had the Sandra Bullock in it! You seen it?"

I told her I hadn't, but my mom had, and said it was good. She told me that many people had told her it was good, so she might want to check it out. I smiled and nodded, and went back to digging for my id. She came back into my personal space to ask,

"What was that other movie she was in, with the bus?"

Um...Speed. It took me a couple more minutes to find the id, during which time she asked me several more Sandra Bullock related questions, because I guess she'd decided I was the resident Sandra Bullock expert?

I found the whole thing a little confusing. But hey, at least I made a new friend, right?

Sunday, March 7, 2010

Translating the Small

Small One made the following announcement today:

"Empty body pirates are called GERMS."

Uh huh. When asked to elaborate, she told us it was "kinda scary, but that's ok", and explained that germs go all around inside your body to make you sick, but then the empty bodies fight them off. She then went on to say that the doctor helps you by giving you a shot FULL of empty bodies.

Ahhhh, it's becoming clear to me now! Antibodies! And yeah, germs are sort of like pirates, aren't they?

Friday, March 5, 2010

Strangest...Blockbuster Experience...EVER

In keeping with the theme of this strange month...

Middle Child wanted to go to a party tonight. She cleaned her room and did her homework, she looked fantastic, we got to the party and... no parents. I have a pretty strict "no parties without parents" rule, so obviously, I wasn't leaving her there. She was bummed, but surprisingly agreeable. She was unhappy to be missing the party, but understood my point.

Because she was so good natured about it, I offered to let her have a friend stay over. We picked up some snacks and stopped at the Blockbuster to let her pick out a movie. 30 minutes later, she'd made a decision, and we went to check out.

Do you realize Blockbuster charges $5 for a movie? I did not know this, as I rarely stop there, preferring online movies, Redbox, and Netflix. Guess what else I didn't know? Blockbuster does not accept checks. Yeah, I'm a check writing kind of girl, ever since Small One made off with my debit card. So, I had to leave the store and go home to borrow the man's debit card. Sort of a pain, but you know, not the worst thing in the world.

Checked Redbox online to see if they had the movie MC was going for, but no, they didn't. Back we went to Blockbuster, got the movie, and then drove to the other end of town to pick up her friend. I was getting tired, and a little bit cranky. I hadn't had dinner.

We got home, MC and friend went off to her room, semi-functional-laptop-that-serves-as-dvd-player in tow, and... no movie in the Blockbuster case. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?

Called the store, and spoke to the extremely apologetic clerk. He checked to see if they had another copy of the film. They did not. He recommended a similar film as a second choice. I asked the girls, they said that sounded great, I got back on the phone with the guy, and he told me they don't have that one. Really?!? BUT he had another recommendation at the ready. This time I didn't even run it by the girls, I just sent the Man off to fetch it. While he was gone, I went back to MC's room to break the news that we were going with a third option. As I was telling them this, the Man called from the video store.

You guessed it. They didn't have that one either. Seriously.

I think my biggest question of the evening (and you can probably guess there are many questions I'd like to ask) is WHY did the man keep making helpful suggestions and offering to hold movies for us without CHECKING to see if the movies were in his actual STORE?

Punchline of the night? Dvd player's not working either. Thank you, and goodnight.

Thursday, March 4, 2010

Thurday 13, the Strange and Stranger Edition

Challenge for today: find 13 things in my day that are strange or involve strangers. Mission possible, for sure.

  1. Strange, indeed, to be posting the Thursday 13 on a Friday, but that's how things go around this place.
  2. Strange technology- my phone will no longer accept calls from my dear friend. Only her. She's the only one it's discriminating against, but I swear, I can be holding it in my hand, and it won't ring when she calls- just goes straight to voicemail.
  3. My Small came home with a hat today, when she did not wear one to school. When I asked her whose hat it was she said "Mine!". Obviously, I pressed further, reminding her that she does not own a hat like that. "It must belong to one of my friends, then!" Ahh, now we're getting somewhere! I checked the label, which read "Bartlett". I don't know any children named Bartlett, or even with the last name of Bartlett, but since so many of us shop consignment and share hand-me-downs, I didn't find it odd. I did say "Bartlett" out loud, though, to which Small One replied "Oh, yeah, it's Bartlett's hat!" Really? Bartlett's hat? Who is Bartlett, exactly? "My friend, Mommy! My friend named Bartlett, you silly guy!" Ahh...
  4. From the "strangers are friends we haven't met" department: There's a new lady working at the bank- or, at least, new to the floor. She typically works in the offices downstairs. Small One is the belle of the bank, in case you're wondering, but she had never met the lady before yesterday. As we were leaving the bank yesterday, she gave her a hug and kiss goodbye, and today spent much of our visit deep in conversation with her.
  5. More bank strangeness... when I went to make my deposit, one of Small's well-loved bank friends pulled her across the counter and let her work the drive-through for awhile. Anyone banking at our local bank today who was greeted by a 3 year old voice introducing herself... yeah, that was mine.
  6. Pharmacy strange- called in a prescription ahead of time, and when I went to pick it up, it wasn't ready. It was an easy prescription, they filled it in 2 minutes, but the pharmacist told me, as she was filling it, that if I want it filled quickly, I should not call it in in advance, but just bring it to her. Come again?
  7. Fun strange- listening to my 10 year old students (boys) relate their theories on science fiction. Sometimes I love teaching. Today, too, I taught them the word "speculate", and we discussed its various conjugations... by the end of class, they were trying to work the word into casual conversation. "So if we're speculating on what you want from the homework assignment..."
  8. Texty strange- Trying to choose a deodorant for Middle Child, I texted her the following message: "Sure pain, or sure clean demenscou?" Yeah, these are the perils of not checking your t9 before you hit the send button.
  9. Tiresome strange- my Small, who is an excellent sleeper, woke up at 11:00 tonight FREAKING out, and insisted she needed to come and lie on top of me until she fell asleep. Getting her back into her bed was a bizarre ordeal.
  10. In the process of the above ordeal, we said "Did you have a nightmare?" and when she answered in the affirmative, we asked her what it was about, to which she sobbed "NOTHING!" Alrighty, then.
  11. Good strange: when I finally got her down again, after much weeping and wailing (on her part) and gnashing of teeth (on my part), she said "I'm sorry! Goodnight!" I've never been apologized to before by a child who is upset about sleeping, so that was a peculiarly nice shift.
  12. Sad strange: a ghost from my past keeps trying to friend me on facebook. Everyone we mutually know is EMPHATIC that I shall not allow this to come to pass, and the notes from the wannabe friender are growing increasingly sad. It's so strange for me, not caving.
  13. Strange creature- this child, who gave up on getting her own clothes on at this stage of the game, with an air of resigning herself to her fate:

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Most peculiar, Mama

So this month's theme, according to NaBloPoMo, is "strange(r)". In other words, if I were planning to blog every day of the month (clearly I'm not, as I've already blown it), and I were struggling for a topic, I could write on strange things or strangers. ("There you go,"says NaBloPoMo, "talk amongst yourselves.")

I thought about strange things and strangers last night. I thought about my little brother, as a preschooler, when my mother told him not to talk to strangers, going down the entire line at the bank, yelling "Is THIS guy a stranger, Mom?"

I thought about my Oldest, when he was about the age of my Small One, being offended that I didn't introduce him to someone in the store, and scoffing at the idea that I didn't know the man. "Yes, you do, Mom! You know EVERYONE!" I guess, in his limited experience, I did.

But then, tonight, I came across something I would consider truly strange. It's a Snoopy Pendant, from the Danbury Mint. For only $117, you too can own a 1 inch pendant of Snoopy, all bright and sparkly with Swarovski crystals! The Man tells me he can think of no better use for $117. (I think he's being sarcastic.)

The best part of the ad, in my humble opinion, is that it touts Snoopy as "America's favorite cartoon beagle". Really? Not America's favorite beagle, certainly, or even America's favorite cartoon dog, but America's favorite cartoon beagle. This begs the question, exactly how hard do you have to work to be America's favorite cartoon beagle? How many of them are there, out there vying for the title of "favorite"?

I'm going to start calling myself "America's favorite mom who lives in this house". Yeah, me!