Meanwhile, the Man texts me, to ask me a question I've already answered. Irritated, I call him to mention that I've already answered the question, and to tell him what's going on with our child, at which point he feels the need to correct me for my language. (For the record, the child was NOT within earshot, and I did NOT drop the f-bomb, which, in my opinion, means I was behaving admirably, all things considered.) After his sanctimonious lecture, we hang up, at which point he IMMEDIATELY texts me back to ask me the same question for a third time.
At this point, I want to lie on the floor, screaming, and hammer the phone into the floor. Sometimes I truly wish I were a cartoon. Or a sitcom character. Sometimes I think maybe I AM and no one's clued me in.
So anyway... I'm in the middle of all this, and she's SCREAMING at me, and we go to the car, and she refuses to get in. She says "I NOT need a go BYE BYE in THAT car!!! I needa go in my OTHER CAR!!!!!!!!"
Erm...we only have one car. So I say "Get in the car or I will PUT you in the car, and I know you like to do it by yourself." and she still refuses, so I put her in the car, and she's SCREAMING and arching her back and basically being an insaniac.
I shut the door and step away from the vehicle. I take some deep breaths, then get in the front seat and say, very calmly, "If you'll stop crying and be nice, I'll get you some stickers when we get to Target."
She keeps screaming.
I say, a little less calmly, "What do you want? Do you want a cereal bar?!??!?"
No, she emphatically does NOT want a cereal bar, and the screaming continues.
She gets really quiet all of a sudden, and says "YOU needa stop yelling."
Now I'm over it, and I say, pretty loudly, "YOU NEED to STOP YELLING!!!"
Now I'm trying not to laugh, and I say "Yeah, ok, but YOU need to stop yelling."
And she looks at me, all indignant and self righteous, and puts her hand on her chest as she says "I DO already."Little Ratfink. Sometimes I've VERY concerned about what the future holds.