This weekend, I'm sick. Horrible cold/flu thing, and last night I decided it was Nyquil worthy. Consequently, I have a major Nyquil hangover, and also I woke up just before noon, and ALSO, I had the strangest dream.
I dreamed I had another child, a little girl, two years younger than Small One. And in my dream, I realized I'd been completely ignoring this child, to the extent that I'd pretty much forgotten she existed. In fact, I'd forgotten her name. I kept looking at her, and she was very cute, and I kept calling her Amelie, but I knew in the back of my head that wasn't it. I was talking to people about how bad I felt for neglecting this child, and meanwhile I was frantically digging around trying to find some place that I'd written down her name, looking through our safe, my files, even looking through old emails and message board posts. I finally found an application for a birth certificate, and it hadn't been filled out, except that, apparently, someone at the hospital had written down her birthday and a name- Venassa.
Now, two things upset me about this. First of all, that's not something I'd name a child-I might name her Vanessa, but probably not. Second, in reading the document, I realized her first birthday had been the day before- May 11th. This was horrifying, because Small One had a first birthday extravaganza, with probably thirty people and a special dress and her christening the same day, etc, etc, etc... I called my sister in law to see if she could bring her kids over for a party on the weekend, and she told me she'd be out of town. I was frantically scrambling around trying to throw together some semblance of a celebration, when I came across a box with a party dress in it. I thought it was the dress Small One has worn for birthday photos two years in a row, and I was talking to someone, asking if it would be terrible to put this other child in the same dress for her birthday, when I realized it was NOT the same dress, but a new one, similar, but in a different color. I was relieved because I thought I'd actually had the presence of mind to buy the child a party dress, but then I realized it was Small One's size.
The whole dream was panicky, and I was wondering if I'd nursed the child, when Small One came up and asked if she could nurse, and I realized I'd neglected the little one in favor of her. Then I realized that little one's birthday was either on or near my grandmother's birthday, and I was trying to figure out whether it was actually the same day. I was frantic the whole time, and woke up still feeling that freaked out panic.
What does it mean? I don't just need comments on this one, I need analysis!