Friday, January 10, 2014

Petulant Friday

So, it's 11 am on a Friday, and I'm alone at home. I'm supposed to be working, but I'm actually watching American Horror Story: Coven, and cooking a pound of bacon in the oven. If that doesn't give you a general sense of my state of mind, you probably don't know much about women.

Anyway, I'm grouchy and pouty. I'm not sure why, even, except that I haven't had enough sleep this week, I have a ton of work to do, and the Man is leaving town today, which has made Small One a gigantic mess of angry elementary girl. I have no idea why this is, because we're all going out of town next weekend, and I've told her she and I will have fun this weekend. I honestly thing she's not so mad that her dad's leaving, but she's pretty upset he's taking his Kindle with him.

On the topic of AHS, let me just say that it's awful. It's too dark, and often extremely offensive, and I shouldn't watch it at all. But I do, and I can explain why in two words: Jessica Lange. I have the most major girl crush on Jessica Lange, and she keeps giving me more reasons for it. So while I'm sitting here being grouchy, and trying to think of a fun thing to do on this blog to cheer myself up, I thought maybe I'd do a Friday list. Without further adieu...

7 Reasons I love Jessica Lange:
  1. Everybody's All American. Seriously, I remember nothing about this movie except I think there was a tiger in it, and Jessica Lange. Also, she had a line in that movie about Southern girls learning from their mothers how to flirt and use a fry-daddy, which is true, and she delivered skillfully despite the fact that she is, indeed, NOT Southern. 
  2. She plays Southern in a way that doesn't make me want to vomit and gouge out my own eyes. Seriously, often people who are not from the south play southerners with such condescension that I actually get mad about it. I really never feel that way about Jessica Lange, and in fact she sometimes reminds me of my own mama, even though she's from Minnesota.
  3. She played Patsy Cline so brilliantly that it made me actually want to like country music. Seriously, this is a huge feat.
  4. She's my favorite Maggie the Cat. It was just a TV movie, but sheesh, she was good.
  5. She's almost 65 years old, and crazy sexy. I mean, seriously. What other woman that age so completely owns it like JL? Do not say Susan Sarandon, because I will punch you in the throat.
  6. She has children with Mikhail Baryshnikov and Sam Shepard. While I don't advocate having multiple boyfriends with whom you procreate, if that's the way you're going to go, you might as well do it with of the coolest men on earth. Of course, it's not surprising, because she's crazy sexy. (See #5)
  7. Admittedly, she gets the best lines on AHS, but also, her delivery is unbelievably perfect. One example: she slits a girl's throat, causing her to bleed to death all over the Oriental rug, because she's afraid that girl is going to be the new supreme. Her follow up line? "We don't need a new supreme, we need a new rug." Here's another one: another character says "Ohhh, you look.." and JL interrupts her to say "Younger?", to which the other woman says, "I was going to say beautiful." and JL says, in her inimitable way, "Both are correct."
Ok, I've cheered myself up. I now return you to your regularly scheduled Friday. Before you go, though, you're welcome to leave me a comment, either affirming the awesomeness of Ms. Lange, or telling me of someone equally awesome. As long as you don't think that's Susan Sarandon.


Lissa Johnston said...

I'm too chicken to watch AHS but I agree Lange is awesome. Loved her in Sweet Dreams.

Lynda Lippin said...

I also love Jessica Lange! One of the best actresses ever, plus smart and beautiful.

amy said...

Lissa- You can do it! Don't be scared! Ha ha, but if you do, start with the first season, because it also has Dylan McDermott and Connie Britton. ;)

Lynda- Totally agree.